It will help parents to understand that along with the disappointment in learning adults are flawed, may also come relief as teenagers learn that “perfection” is not a prerequisite for adulthood.

Parents can help their teens through this shift in thinking and this important developmental step by being realistic about their flaws. Another reason why kids sometimes present challenging attitudes to parents is that they’re testing out ideas.

Hopefully, at a deep level, your teen knows that he/she can count on you and you’ll never abandon him/her, no matter what. That makes you, then, the safest person with whom she can express her feeling and thoughts – even ones that are not typically allowed in our culture.

Parents who provide walls and boundaries are not only keeping kids safe, they are providing walls to push against, and push they will! This may not be what the parent intends, but it is often the case, again, because of the inherent “safety” in the relationship.

Parents can become, merely because of circumstances, the testing ground teens use to verbalize ideas, attitudes and behavior, sometimes with little regard for our feelings.

Mother-daughter relationships, in particular, can exemplify this. One author referred to “mother” as the “standard to which she aspires and struggles against.” So, you see the challenge can be built right into the relationship. There are many causes for the changing behavior of teenagers, and some of the attitudes they express can hurt parents’ feelings.

Read....Tips and Tools for Communication for Parents with Teens

-By Sue Blaney-